I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
