you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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