Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
