I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
