I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
