Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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