I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
