can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
