saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
