My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
from now on my penis is your penis
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have already put on my inside pants.
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