My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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