you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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