Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
