I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
