he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
These tits shall not be calmed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
