im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
