Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
