Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
