we have officially lost it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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