He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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