when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Green mimosas i think yes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
