Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
