4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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