You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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