Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
COCAINE IS GR8