i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
