well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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