the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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