True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
