$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
