u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
