god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
