party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
