i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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