I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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