mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
