This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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