Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
