the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
