I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
