Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
