You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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