so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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