I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
