Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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