oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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