i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
