I can't breathe out the right side of my face
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
