Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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