I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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