I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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