I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
