He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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