Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
