Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
