Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
