all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
