my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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