Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
