Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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