Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there's paper in my vomit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
