if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
