The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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