I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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