I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
