the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
