Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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