I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
