you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had sex on a roof
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
