OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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