Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
