it was like his penis was on wheels.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
