This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
