i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
