Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
