He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
