I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
