You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
