No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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