i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You may now shotgun with the bride
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
