maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
