the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
